Conflicts between people

When Conflict is Really About Our Parts

Conflict between people often feels like a clash of wills, opinions, or values. But beneath the surface, it’s much more complex—and deeply human. What’s really happening is that different parts within each person are being triggered, activating patterns shaped by past experiences, wounds, and protective strategies.

Each of us is made up of many Parts—some carry pain and vulnerability, while others step in to protect us from harm. When we’re in conflict, those protective Parts might show up strongly, trying to defend, control, or withdraw. At the same time, vulnerable Parts may be aching to be seen, heard, or soothed.

Because everyone’s Parts come from different histories, the way each person experiences and perceives the conflict can be vastly different. Two people can witness the same event but hold very different “truths” about what happened, what it meant, and how it made them feel. Neither version is more right or wrong—they are personal reflections shaped by individual inner worlds.

Understanding this helps us approach conflict with more compassion—for ourselves and for the other person. Instead of seeing conflict as a battle to be won, it becomes an opportunity to listen deeply to our own inner Parts and the Parts of the other. We begin to recognize that underneath anger, frustration, or hurt, there are unmet needs and vulnerable feelings seeking connection.

The path to healing conflict often starts with turning inward—getting curious about what’s alive inside you. Which Parts are activated? What wounds might they be carrying? When you can meet those Parts with kindness, you create space for them to soften.

In doing this work, you also build the capacity to listen to the other person’s experience with openness, realizing that their Parts are activated too, trying their best to protect them.

Conflict is not about “winning” or “losing.” It’s an invitation—to explore, to understand, and ultimately to reconnect with yourself and the other, beneath the noise of activated Parts.